A Special Favor

I think the Universe has a way of gently tapping us on the shoulder when we seem to veer off our life course. A nudge, a sign, a gift, if you will. Meant to get our attention, hopefully setting us straight so we can forge ahead again, full tilt towards our destiny.

Sometimes we listen.

Sometimes we don't.


Tap, tap, tap.


December 26th, 2007.

I woke up early the day after Christmas. I had to work. (Retail. The day after. Sigh.)

Still half asleep, I shuffled into the kitchen to make my morning coffee. I had a small delay when the coffee filters would not cooperate. I blew on them gently, to get them to separate. Something didn't feel right - my mouth felt funny. I touched the right side of my mouth, then my cheek. I couldn't feel my own touch. I shot over to the mirror in the foyer to look. Panic!!! Oh my God!! The right side of my face was drooping. Smile. Frown. Raise my eyebrows. Nothing! Holy crap!! Was I having a stroke?

I ran into the bedroom where my partner was sleeping and shook him awake. "Something's wrong! The right side of my face isn't moving!"

He sat up, looked at me for a moment and said "It doesn't look that bad."

Are you freaking kidding me??

"I think I'm having a stroke! Get up! You're taking me to the emergency room!!"

Before we leave, he calls his mother - she's a retired nurse. She tells him: "It's one of two things. Get her to the emergency room now!" So off to Brandon Regional Hospital we go. I call my boss on the way and let her know I won't be in today. I might be having a stroke, by the way.

When we arrive, I'm assessed at the front desk and immediately taken to an exam room. After an exam and several tests, it is determined that I have Bell's Palsy, a temporary facial paralysis. It usually results from a viral or bacterial infection that can cause inflammation and swelling to the facial nerves, paralyzing the one - or both - sides of the face. Seriously?? Never heard of it! But I did have chicken pox as a child, so I understand the correlation. But what caused it now? Several things can trigger it, in my case it was probably brought on by stress. (Me? Stress?)

But I'm really concerned that this might be permanent. No, the doctor tells me, most people have a full recovery. So I'm sent home with a prescription and instructions to take care of my right eye, which will not close when I sleep. And a referral for physical therapy.

I stayed home from work for a week, mostly because I was very self conscious around people. The right side of my face was drooping, I couldn't blink my right eye, eating and drinking was a challenge and I talked with a lisp. I went to physical therapy twice a week for several weeks, and eventually made a full recovery.

Looking back in retrospect, the Bell's Palsy really was the first sign that I had strayed from my path. I was totally stressed out from work, I was in a relationship that brought me more tension than happiness and I was feeling less than hopeful. My family tried to tell me that I should slow down and change my life, take better care of myself.

Unfortunately, I didn't listen.


Thank you God for my healing.
Nicole

Just Start.......

From Merriam-Webster:

grace
Pronunciation: \'gras\

Etymology: Middle English, from Anglo-French, from Latin gratia favor, charm, thanks,
from gratus, pleasing, grateful. Akin to Sanskrit grnati, he praises.

1 a: unmerited divine assistance given humans for their regeneration or sanctification. b: a virtue coming from God. c: a state of sanctification enjoyed through divine grace.

2 a: Approval, favor. b: a special favor: privilege. c: disposition to or an act or instance of kindness courtesy, or clemency. d: a temporary exemption.

3 a: a charming or attractive trait or characteristic. b: a pleasing appearance or effect. c: ease and suppleness of movement or bearing.

4 a: a short prayer at a meal asking a blessing or giving thanks.

5 a: a sense of propriety or right. b: the quality or state of being considerate or thoughtful.


Inspired by a dear old friend, who is following his dream and using his creative voice to express himself; and my sister , who recently graduated summa cum laude while she had a million other things going on, I've decided to start blogging. (A minor miracle for me, considering I didn't get a laptop until last April. I know, I know.....I'm technologically challenged. It's a shame, really.)

Why blog?? Since my cancer diagnosis and subsequent surgery and chemo almost two years ago, I have worked to bring about positive changes in my life. Cancer has a way of forcing you to reevaluate your life and everything - and everyone - in it. An awakening, a spiritual two by four, if you will. But sometimes I feel like I'm going in circles, trying to figure out where exactly to start. Move, or not to move, what should I really be doing with my life; who am I; who do I want to be? Then I remembered a message I'd heard from several sources: Just start.

So I did.

I am not an aspiring writer like my friend, I'm just me. Kind of thinking out loud, to whom ever is listening. Trying to be a better version of myself. Trying to live with grace. And if I happen to inspire someone along the way, that would be an awesome thing.

Thank you God, for my healing.

Nicole