When was the last time you received or gave a someone a hug and you actually FELT an exchange of the most incredible, positive energy?
When was the last time you were in a room full of people you've just met and felt an overwhelming sense of love and support?
When was the last time you had the chance to go through your 'emotional closet', to take out and examine what no longer serves you? Then honor it, learn from it and release it? In a safe, loving space?
When was the last time you fully understood your pain?
When was the last time you listened to what someone else's impression of you was? And it felt GOOD?
When was the last time you had a conversation with someone using only your EYES?
When was the last time you felt a strong, true connection to someone? Or yourself?
When was the last time something scared the shit out of you but you did it anyway?
When was the last time you felt HEARD?
When was the last time you felt LOVED?
When was the last time you felt ALIVE?
When was the last time you felt WORTHY?
I wish this for all of you.
Namaste,
Nico
'In pain there is possibility, in suffering there is learning.....' ~ Adrial Dale
Monday, January 21, 2013
Sunday, January 20, 2013
Showing Up And Being Real
Day two of the seminar and as I knew it would be, a really rough day.
And that's ok.
So many things came up today that I had previously identified and acknowledged, but never allowed myself to fully reconcile. Old pain came alive as if I was experiencing it for the first time. I openly verbalized things that I had only ever said in my own mind, to a room full of people some of whom I had met just yesterday.
I symbolically stepped onto the cliff, looked out over the edge, took a deep breath and jumped straight out into a free fall of searing, raw, terrifying vulnerability.
I showed up and I made myself BE REAL.
And it was worth it.
Today brought more epiphanies, more 'Aha' moments and more opportunities for me to push my boundaries to places I have never gone before.
And I survived. (Inside joke.)
In fact, I did more than survive.
In the middle of that terrifying vulnerability free fall I found my wings and began to fly.
The aching sadness of last night has been replaced with something profoundly different tonight.
The tightness in my chest is gone, the tension in my neck and shoulders is lessened and my heart is wide open.
I have a feeling of peace, calm and a lot more self acceptance.
It's been a good day.
Namaste,
Nico
And that's ok.
So many things came up today that I had previously identified and acknowledged, but never allowed myself to fully reconcile. Old pain came alive as if I was experiencing it for the first time. I openly verbalized things that I had only ever said in my own mind, to a room full of people some of whom I had met just yesterday.
I symbolically stepped onto the cliff, looked out over the edge, took a deep breath and jumped straight out into a free fall of searing, raw, terrifying vulnerability.
I showed up and I made myself BE REAL.
And it was worth it.
Today brought more epiphanies, more 'Aha' moments and more opportunities for me to push my boundaries to places I have never gone before.
And I survived. (Inside joke.)
In fact, I did more than survive.
In the middle of that terrifying vulnerability free fall I found my wings and began to fly.
The aching sadness of last night has been replaced with something profoundly different tonight.
The tightness in my chest is gone, the tension in my neck and shoulders is lessened and my heart is wide open.
I have a feeling of peace, calm and a lot more self acceptance.
It's been a good day.
Namaste,
Nico
Saturday, January 19, 2013
Opening The Floodgates And Letting Grace In
Unbelievable day today was. Seriously challenging......
I recently made the decision to do something good for myself. It's been a rough few months. Stress, fatigue and a new medical challenge have left me drained, unmotivated and feeling like my passion for life and the things that mean the most to me had fizzled.
I desperately needed a mental, emotional and spiritual 'reset'. Something that would reignite the fire in my belly and give me the power to move past whatever the hell has been holding me back.
A dear friend has created a weekend self development seminar and several months back he asked me to help him facilitate the very first one. I eagerly accepted, and as a result had a profoundly life changing experience.
I was (and still am) honored to have witnessed some of the transformations that happened that weekend.
With the success of the first seminar, the planning for the second was in full swing. Expecting to be a staff member again, I was looking forward to another incredible experience. That is until my friend asked me if I wanted to be a participant this time.
WTF? A participant?? Why would I want to do that?
Because I got the feeling you wanted to be, my friend tells me.
Ummmm, NO! I'm the one that helps people, I can't ask for help! That's just crazy!
The reality is the answer was 'Yes'. But I put the decision off until the last minute, going back and forth in my head. I finally give in and tell myself I deserve this, I need to do this for myself.
Challenge #1: Done. Admitting I wanted support.
But as much as I knew I needed to do this, I was still uneasy.
I had been through this weekend before, on the other side as a facilitator. I knew damn well what was going to happen, and that scared the crap out of me. I was going to have to open up some of the most painful parts of my life, take the really 'ugly shit' out and REALLY look at.
And REALLY deal with it.
REALLY.
CRAP!
Flash forward to this morning....... today is THE day. *Sigh* I know this is going to be a rough day, and I think to myself 'I don't want to do this.' But I know in my soul I have to. Suck it up, buttercup!
And off I go.
The seminar starts with guidelines about how the weekend is structured and defining the space we're all holding. My emotions are triggered immediately, and with each activity I find myself becoming more and more vulnerable. My only - or perhaps most important - consolation is that I know so many of the people involved in the seminar, so I feel safe and cared for. The epiphanies start coming and they don't stop. And while the realizations I had are still a bit too personal to share on such a public forum, the truth is this:
It is a totally different thing to IDENTIFY what the root cause of your pain is than it is to actually DEAL WITH IT,
to actually FEEL IT.
Challenge #2: Knowing it and dealing with it are two TOTALLY different things.
Much to my embarrassment, the tears come and I cannot stop them. (Self shaming! I must give myself a hash mark!) But they are cathartic, and I embrace them. I imagine that they are cleansing my soul of all the pain I've held inside for so long. And they keep coming. Through the rest of the seminar. In the car on the way home. Through a glass of wine and the entire composition of this entry, they come. And I am exhausted.
Time for sleep.
Tomorrow is the second day of the seminar and knowing the agenda, I have an idea what it will bring. But still it will be a wild roller coaster ride, so the truth is I really don't know for sure.
I think I'm going to have to just go with it........ throw my arms up in the air, scream like a girl and let that quivery feeling in my stomach remind me that I am alive.
Thank you God for my healing,
Nico
'We must embrace pain and burn it as fuel for our journey.' ~ Kenji Miyazawa
I recently made the decision to do something good for myself. It's been a rough few months. Stress, fatigue and a new medical challenge have left me drained, unmotivated and feeling like my passion for life and the things that mean the most to me had fizzled.
I desperately needed a mental, emotional and spiritual 'reset'. Something that would reignite the fire in my belly and give me the power to move past whatever the hell has been holding me back.
A dear friend has created a weekend self development seminar and several months back he asked me to help him facilitate the very first one. I eagerly accepted, and as a result had a profoundly life changing experience.
I was (and still am) honored to have witnessed some of the transformations that happened that weekend.
With the success of the first seminar, the planning for the second was in full swing. Expecting to be a staff member again, I was looking forward to another incredible experience. That is until my friend asked me if I wanted to be a participant this time.
WTF? A participant?? Why would I want to do that?
Because I got the feeling you wanted to be, my friend tells me.
Ummmm, NO! I'm the one that helps people, I can't ask for help! That's just crazy!
The reality is the answer was 'Yes'. But I put the decision off until the last minute, going back and forth in my head. I finally give in and tell myself I deserve this, I need to do this for myself.
Challenge #1: Done. Admitting I wanted support.
But as much as I knew I needed to do this, I was still uneasy.
I had been through this weekend before, on the other side as a facilitator. I knew damn well what was going to happen, and that scared the crap out of me. I was going to have to open up some of the most painful parts of my life, take the really 'ugly shit' out and REALLY look at.
And REALLY deal with it.
REALLY.
CRAP!
Flash forward to this morning....... today is THE day. *Sigh* I know this is going to be a rough day, and I think to myself 'I don't want to do this.' But I know in my soul I have to. Suck it up, buttercup!
And off I go.
The seminar starts with guidelines about how the weekend is structured and defining the space we're all holding. My emotions are triggered immediately, and with each activity I find myself becoming more and more vulnerable. My only - or perhaps most important - consolation is that I know so many of the people involved in the seminar, so I feel safe and cared for. The epiphanies start coming and they don't stop. And while the realizations I had are still a bit too personal to share on such a public forum, the truth is this:
It is a totally different thing to IDENTIFY what the root cause of your pain is than it is to actually DEAL WITH IT,
to actually FEEL IT.
Challenge #2: Knowing it and dealing with it are two TOTALLY different things.
Much to my embarrassment, the tears come and I cannot stop them. (Self shaming! I must give myself a hash mark!) But they are cathartic, and I embrace them. I imagine that they are cleansing my soul of all the pain I've held inside for so long. And they keep coming. Through the rest of the seminar. In the car on the way home. Through a glass of wine and the entire composition of this entry, they come. And I am exhausted.
Time for sleep.
Tomorrow is the second day of the seminar and knowing the agenda, I have an idea what it will bring. But still it will be a wild roller coaster ride, so the truth is I really don't know for sure.
I think I'm going to have to just go with it........ throw my arms up in the air, scream like a girl and let that quivery feeling in my stomach remind me that I am alive.
Thank you God for my healing,
Nico
'We must embrace pain and burn it as fuel for our journey.' ~ Kenji Miyazawa
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
2012 - Joyful Sadness
1/1/13, New Year's Day
I love New Year's Day.
The first day of a brand new year.
A fresh start, a clean slate, a mulligan, a new beginning.
A day for looking back on the last 365 days and taking stock in what we have. Being grateful for the blessings and the lessons, the opportunities and the successes, the joy and the sadness.
I usually love the holiday season, it's my favorite time of year. I love that Christmas music starts playing the day after Thanksgiving. I love the lights, the decorations, the traditions and having my family near. But this year was different. It just didn't feel the same.
As positive a person as I am, I found it difficult to find my Christmas spirit in the wake of a multitude of overwhelming events this year. The profound sadness of the tragic shootings in Newtown CT almost completely derailed me in early December. A lackluster economy made it's presence known in retail sales and the worry about the impending 'fiscal cliff' was just too much. And I was not alone. So many people I encountered seemed to feel the same. They say that you attract to yourself what you are sending out. But try as I might to have the holiday spirit, it just didn't work.
So this New Year's Day brings me a sense of relief. I can't believe I'm saying this, but I'm glad the holiday season is over. It makes me so sad to feel this way.
But as I look back on the past year I am so grateful. It was a great year filled with new friends and new experiences, fantastic opportunities, lots of laughter and LOVE. So many things that brought me so much joy.
And this year I resolve to do more of those things that bring me joy, and to continue to take steps to fulfill my purpose. I will (always) have hope and look forward to each day with a heart and soul that are open to all the glorious possibilities. I will also embrace the sadness, for it is in fully recognizing that, I am able to grow.
I know it's been a very long time since you've heard from me. I hope you'll excuse me if I'm a little rusty and not making much sense. My inner light has been a bit dim lately.
But Grace will get me through. It always does.
Happy New Year to you. May 2013 bring you many blessings.
Namaste,
Nicole
“And now let us welcome the new year, full of things that never were.” ~ Rainer Maria Rilke
I love New Year's Day.
The first day of a brand new year.
A fresh start, a clean slate, a mulligan, a new beginning.
A day for looking back on the last 365 days and taking stock in what we have. Being grateful for the blessings and the lessons, the opportunities and the successes, the joy and the sadness.
I usually love the holiday season, it's my favorite time of year. I love that Christmas music starts playing the day after Thanksgiving. I love the lights, the decorations, the traditions and having my family near. But this year was different. It just didn't feel the same.
As positive a person as I am, I found it difficult to find my Christmas spirit in the wake of a multitude of overwhelming events this year. The profound sadness of the tragic shootings in Newtown CT almost completely derailed me in early December. A lackluster economy made it's presence known in retail sales and the worry about the impending 'fiscal cliff' was just too much. And I was not alone. So many people I encountered seemed to feel the same. They say that you attract to yourself what you are sending out. But try as I might to have the holiday spirit, it just didn't work.
So this New Year's Day brings me a sense of relief. I can't believe I'm saying this, but I'm glad the holiday season is over. It makes me so sad to feel this way.
But as I look back on the past year I am so grateful. It was a great year filled with new friends and new experiences, fantastic opportunities, lots of laughter and LOVE. So many things that brought me so much joy.
And this year I resolve to do more of those things that bring me joy, and to continue to take steps to fulfill my purpose. I will (always) have hope and look forward to each day with a heart and soul that are open to all the glorious possibilities. I will also embrace the sadness, for it is in fully recognizing that, I am able to grow.
I know it's been a very long time since you've heard from me. I hope you'll excuse me if I'm a little rusty and not making much sense. My inner light has been a bit dim lately.
But Grace will get me through. It always does.
Happy New Year to you. May 2013 bring you many blessings.
Namaste,
Nicole
“And now let us welcome the new year, full of things that never were.” ~ Rainer Maria Rilke
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